if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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