I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
