Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
