so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I stole a fireplace last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
