Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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