it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
