Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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