I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
