I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
