so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
