Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
