you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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