Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
