I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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