I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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