so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I love you. Go after that dick
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
