The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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