we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
