Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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