I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
