You can't special order awesome
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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