i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
