Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
