i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
