i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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