Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
