I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
