one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
