A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
