You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
