he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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