My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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