ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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