in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Never underestimate the power of titties
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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