smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
