walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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