Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
