There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
