I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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