i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
