Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
