this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
