we need to drink 2009 down the drain
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
