Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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