i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
