I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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