You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
