Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
