i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
