So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
