i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
