If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
