He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
