Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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