booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
