I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
