I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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