If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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